last night

inspired by “If they chop open my body” by Julia Alter

if they chop open my body, it’s emptiness would be a lie. i was emptied out last night until i was a floppy sad balloon person, covered in sweat but shaking so violently.

if they chop open my body, they should have come last week when all the good stuff was there. the bbg burnt ends. the queso and chips. the hot slice of pizza the movie theater that i let burn my tongue, finished it whole before watching michelle yeoh battle death and taxes and generational trauma with kung fu and all the versions of herself she could have been.

if they chop open my body, on this day, it’s just me, carrying nothing, my belly empty except maybe for a few parasites having an afterparty after the full blown rave in there last night. snuck in under the cover of veiny blue cheese or maybe an old apple. trojan horsed it until they were in the belly of the beast and triumphantly took over, set up camp and had a burning man in my guts.

“it’s either appendicitis… or gas?”

“It’s either kidney failure…or food poisoning.”

my shirt soaked through with sweat. if they chop open my body all that is left are the straggles at the party, the ones who can’t read the room, who don’t get the hint even though the ugly lights are on and the music has been off for hours. the cleaning crew mopping up around their parasitic feet. you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.