i forgive you. i forgive you. you didn’t know better. i forgive you. the morning you went to get a bagel and a coffee without him and he got mad at you that you didn’t wake him up. i forgive you. the night you slipped out of his bed before the sun came up and took the 5 fulton home because you didn’t want to be too much. i forgive you. for shutting yourself down. for deciding to be a different person at home than with your friends. for deciding you needed to be many different people to fulfill their needs and not yours. i forgive you for fracturing yourself because sacrifice is the ultimate goodness. wearing a scapular when you were a child because you heard that if you were wearing one when you die it’s an instant passport to the good place. not asking questions. i have to swallow this. i have to. it’s easier for me to suffer. look how mom suffers and it makes her so good and so holy. i forgive you. you are worthy. you are worthy. you are worthy.