descending

deck by Krist Prokopiak

i was looking for a cutting mat online.

i found one. sometimes it’s called a self healing mat. there are still marks on it, like ghostly reminders but for the most part it’s unscathed. S. asked me if i was a sewer, a maker. i’m not. i just needed a surface to cut the necks out of my shirts because sometime in 2017 i felt like i was suffocating in all my clothes.

i did yin yoga with my sister in england over zoom last march. i made an appointment to see if i could get on anxiety meds. i had a dentist appointment the following week and i was scared of getting shot. or pushed into traffic. or yelled at for existing. i took a lyft to the doctor’s appointment. relieved my driver was asian. he saw me sweating and turned on the a/c.

10 steps from the car to the front door of zoom care.

3 people in the street.

no one in the waiting room.