the sun this morning has the same beautiful light lilt as kishi bashi's violin. his cover of 'this must be the place' is on repeat. it is full of familiar happiness. it pulls me out of bed. it drives the dogs from the covers and they stretch before running down the stairs to be fed.
the dogs inhale their breakfast and instantly fall back asleep and i watch them snooze under the dining room table jealous. i've got conference calls, systems that continue failing causing a lot of work that is all hurry up and wait.
i used to be so scared of too much free time. this is the burden of a catholic upbringing. idle hands and all. you can't trust yourself because you are inherently bad. you must be cleansed by godly fire. you must suffer and toil and riches will await you in heaven.
i don't want to wait. i'll stay here and burn I guess. i choose this life, this time, while i can remember it all. i will put real sugar in my oatmeal. i'll have all the toppings. i'll nap after breakfast. i'll wear 'unflattering' clothes. i'll say please and thank you but I'm not going to ask permission anymore to let myself off the hook, to order two desserts, to wear short shorts i know i'll be picking out of my butt crack when i walk the dogs later on this hot summer day.
all this freedom is still tempered with the work i need to do to finish out the month. i can do this. it's almost over. what happens when you have the privilege and freedom to pursue the things that matter?
i guess i'm about to find out.