big gulp — You Know How You Do

my attention span is bad is an understatement. I read 3 other poems from 3 different books while Laurie read the poem for the day because my brain believes more is better. more is more and you always want a well stocked pantry. Ultimately that’s the most american thing i’ve ever said. give me the big gulp of poetry please because i need it to be in one giant serving. because i don’t trust i can refill my cup whenever i want to. is this why we’re awful? i need it all now because there might not be enough later and i need to make sure. why does existing feel so unsafe?

i squirrel away pieces of myself. stuff them in other drawers and hidden compartments so what you can see if neat and tidy. then these parts remain hidden so long i forget. they wither and grow brittle without the sun and i i no longer remember what wholeness feels like that i start to believe this is it, right? this is all there is or ever was. this shiny boring incomplete thing. i may go to heaven, but at what cost?