i thought i knew what i was doing

set the alarm for 5:30AM to make the 6AM bus to make the 6:45AM spin class

protein shake with almond milk and cold coffee

office at 8. no one here yet

i thought i knew what i was doing

busy myself. look stressed even if i wasn’t. make stress look apparent when i was. if you don’t show it they won’t know how hard you’re working for your paycheck

say no when offered a cigarette. go outside with them anyway. be social. act like you belong though you know you’re just an interloper. you do not wear enough makeup to look like you’re not wearing any. your shoes are entirely too comfortable for you to be one of them

tofu and steamed greens, doesn’t matter what veg. say no to the 3PM coffee run even though you want it

make sure you change into gym clothes before leaving the office so people see you. linger long enough and someone will pat you on the back. explain to them what HIIT is. mountain climbers and plank jacks and burpees until you almost throw up but you stop. rest. do it again. it’s good for your heart. if you do it and don’t throw up, it’s good for your heart

1/2 a protein bar. hardboiled eggs. i hate salads. i eat salads. 13 pistachios. 8 blueberries

8 oz of protein. i like prescriptions. they make someone else happy because i’m really good at conforming

get enough sleep. 64 oz of water. the internet tells you you’re not hungry, you’re just dehydrated most of the time. this will help your skin. keeps you young

i thought i knew what i was doing

rest were yoga days

i thought i knew

nothing was ever completely restful. even the naps my body demanded

i thought i knew

be social just enough. bootstrap. be clever but not obnoxious. switch to green tea. learn to drink your whiskey neat. be mysterious but open. unattainable but likeable

i thought i knew

eat just enough in public so no one questions. there is a right way to do everything. this is clearly the right way

i thought