the girl riding the bus bundled up in layers on a summer day, large muffin top like headphones covering her ears as she swipes up and down, left and right, on her phone.
i thinks she's playing a game. i'm not sure. i know there is a dating app that involves swiping maybe she's finding love. maybe she's swiping left. i think that's the bad swipe. is it?
in the last row, sitting in the back, a tall black man in hospital scrubs naps, his legs taking up the 2 seats next to him, i worry about his head, lolled to the side, hitting the bus wall with each ka-chunk down fremont street. it's early so i'm not sure if he's on his way home or to work. for his sake i hope it's home.
i wished i was going home instead of to therapy. these days where you wonder why you're going. i have nothing to talk about. i'm fine. life is fine. my people are fine. we're all surviving and that's enough. my parents don't know. they're on the don't ask don't tell plan that includes just enough data to get through the month. our phone conversations are 5-10 minutes tops.
my mom uses facetime so she can see me and recognize that i'm fine because all my features are in tact. i'm still here and i'm still me. the dogs bark in the background and she says hello to charlie and bean and sends here regards to jeff who is working in the other room.
i wonder if she sees me and if she can identify which features of mine are her own. i can see it when i wash my face in the morning. i'm looking more and more like her every year. it's not a bad thing. i want to increase her plan. i want to let her in. i'm not sure if she's ready or even if she wants in. it's enough for her to facetime.
five minutes. proof of life.
i'm here. i'm still me. we're all still fine.