bad brain days

it's snowing. i'm trying to get back into the pattern of writing and it's hard. my mind feels like a field of stray cats wandering wherever they please. each cat is a thought and they are all over the fucking place.


days like this i should really check my bcp pack. you would think i've been yelled at by enough doctors for not knowing my menstrual cycle that i'd be on top of such things but this task just gets squeezed out of my brain's 'to know' list. i've been with my husband for almost 10 years and married for the last 4 and i'm JUST getting to the point where i know his phone number by heart.  I'm 6 digits in for sure, the last 4 are almost there.

it's one of those times i'm distrustful of how functioning my brain really is.  i'm not as smart as i think i should be. i'm not as clever as i know i have been in the past. 

fingers crossed it's just a blip on the radar. we all have bad brain days, right?  

i'm used to having bad body days that the idea of having a bad brain day makes me scream, "Noooo, you're my only hope! You can't fail me too!"

I feel like a bottomless pit since my trip to the community pool to do some PT exercises and a little swimming.  something about all that activity drained me. i'm 3 weeks post knee surgery and felt really good in the water. i moved so well and almost effortlessly.  then i got home and everything started to fall apart.  muscle ache. fatigue. gravity.  i managed to shower, eat something and fall in and out of a nap for several hours.

i was still hungry in the morning but nothing sounded good so i had some toast as a starter and have been nibbling on random things since then, looking for something satisfying.

I haven't figured it out yet.